laptop

So…my laptop just went caput and it might be a day or two before i post again considering I am typing this on a kindle lol. Hopefully it will be fixed very soon. In the mean time this will give me a chance to spend less time im front of my laptop and more time working out. 🙂

Eat

I really seem to swing back and forth worrying about what I’m able to eat vs. not able to eat on this diet and after I’m finished. I obviously think that I will miss certain foods, but I wonder just how much I will? Will I just think about what food I can’t have then sabotage myself? I hope not, at times though I seem to think about the million of things I can’t have to the next 4+ months. In a perfect world I would love to follow this diet 100% of the time and reach my goal on time then go back to eating “normal” food and not even have to worry about what I consume. In reality I now know this is not the case, my normal clearly isn’t working for me.  It took me a long time to accept this fact, and I’m not sure I even fully have.

For me it’s a lot easier to think I only have to do this for “x” amount of months instead the rest of my life. I know to maintain weight loss I won’t be able to eat absolutely everything I want 100% of the time and you know what I’m ok with that.  Most change is a little bit scary even if it’s for the better. I know that this journey won’t be easy, but it’s far from impossible. Even more then changing physically, I need to change my mental aspect to food. I find myself mindlessly shoving food into my body. I feel like I just go through the motions of life sometimes. I think I’m very lucky in the fact that I genuinely am happy with most aspects of my life and yet it seems one day blends into the next. Time is flying by and I’m tired of not living to the fullest. I just check out mentally at a time, it’s like when your driving and you missed your turn a mile ago and you just realize it.  No more checking out! My future health depends on it. I’m going to start meditating, get in touch with myself again. Hopefully this will help, if not I will continue to find things until I do find something. I won’t give up that’s just not me.

As far as short term food restrictions, I was worried until I found a few HCG recipe books. This really opened up my eyes to all the possibility available . Before I was just looking at it as plain food that I really won’t enjoy, and would just eat it to get through the diet. The recipes really showed me that I don’t have to look at it that way and I won’t. Yes there are a number of things that I shouldn’t eat, but there are a million ways to eat what I can I just have to be a little more creative in my thinking. This is very eye opening to me and I’m no longer dreading not being able to eat everything that I want.  I feel a million times better about starting my diet.

 

It’s Habit Forming

Over the next 21 days I’m going to set 10 goals for myself to cultivate.

1. Read a book at least once a day
2. Sleep on or before 1 am
3. Wake up on or before 7 am
4. Be present when I eat (no eating in front of tv, standing, in a car, etc.)
5. Meditate
6. Work out
7. Learn something new
8. Write one thing I’m grateful for
9. Compliment a random stranger
10. Listen to a podcast

 I will accomplish this by tracking my habits through www.habitforge.com. None of these are particularly hard goals, but they all have two thing in common. They will keep me present on what is happening in the here and now, also, they inter-relate to one another . 

 If I go to bed early I will be able to wake up earlier and not be tired all the time which will help me stay more attentive through the day. If I wake earlier I won’t be frazzled, rushing around in the morning and will be able to focus on this day alone. When I’m not so frazzled I’ll be able to concentrate on meditating instead of worrying about that I’m going to be late for something that I didn’t get done because I slept in to late, etc.

 I think these are good goals for my here and now. Starting off I’m thankful that I live in a country that doesn’t have as much unrest as Egypt right now. I’m grateful that my country has free speech and internet access. I’m grateful that we get to elect our officials. I hope peace and tranquility is restored there soon and nobody else gets hurt.

Weight Is Just A Number

How do you go about figuring how much weight to lose? The answer I have now is a lot, but beyond that, I don’t know. Most importantly I want to be healthy, but I also want to look amazing. I’m wondering if I should even set up a goal weight. If I’m happy with the way I look at 150lb do I really need to by at 120lbs to be happy, my guess is  probably not.

 I know some people set a goal size, but I don’t know if that’s reliable either. Is a size 8 more healthy then a 4, not necessary. First I’m setting a broad goal of healthy which for me is anywhere between 150 to 115 lbs. After that I’m setting a “goal” weight of 120 lbs. This sounds really low to me, and it is. The reason I choose this weight is because my sister weighs a little less then 120, and we are about the same height, face structure, etc. She is beautiful on the inside and out, and I love her dearly. If I don’t make that weight I won’t be upset at all, but I think it’s a good goal for me.

How Can This Be Healthy?

Is this healthy? That’s a hard question to answer. Long term, no it’s not healthy. This isn’t long-term for me though, my goal of this diet to lose weight fast. Really fast. Then eat a healthy, well balanced diet. To my knowledge nobody on hCG has had serious life threatening side effects, the most serious side effect I have heard of is pain at the injection spot. On the other hand people die from the effects of being overweight every single day. Obesity is not just a cosmetic problem, it’s a health hazard, and that’s a fact.

 The short-term effects are a little difference. People go on fasts and “cleanses” all the time where they eat absolutely nothing. I won’t be doing this while on hCG I will be consuming very few calories, but they will all be from nutritious, wholesome, organic foods.  You can eat a LOT of veggies before the calories add up. None the less, while I’m on hCG I will be taking vitamin and mineral supplements to make sure I don’t go without key nutrients. I will also be visiting my doctor very soon to discuss my diet, and be under her supervision the entire time. If my doctor says absolutely under no circumstances should you do this, I won’t. I personally don’t know how my doctor feels about this diet at this moment, but there are currently numerous doctors that do, and that was one of the reasons I first considered going on the hCG diet.

 This is an extreme diet for sure, it might even be a little crazy, but I don’t think it’s unhealthy, at least not in the short-term. Is this the healthiest way to lose weight? Probably not, but I would never do anything to harm my health in the long-term. Frankly I feel that being overweight is more of a burden to my health than consuming very little calories right now.

Shhh It’s A Secret

To tell or not to tell, that is the question. I have flip-flopped about telling anybody I know personally that I was doing this diet. At first I wasn’t going to tell anybody. Why? I think there is a certain shame in being overweight. In a way it’s like a personal failure. If you aren’t in control of your body, are you in control of anything?

 I think if you are overweight in this society it’s just assumed that there is something wrong with you. “Clearly you are lazy, that’s why your fat.” Frankly, it feels taboo to be overweight. Even I feel a little bit of shame, and I was thinking if I don’t tell anybody then then maybe my problem will just be ignored. If it’s not mentioned, it doesn’t exist, right?At the end of the day though it’s pretty apparent that I have an issue with weight, looking at me it’s clearly not a secret lol, so I might was well have as much support as I can.

 If I tell the majority of people that I know, there is a certain accountability that goes along with it. I don’t think this will be easy and it will be a lot harder for me to give up if everybody knows about it. 

 I’m a fairly private person, my natural instinct is to not tell anybody that I am going on this diet.  I defiantly like to take care of “problems” myself. I feel that this is almost a personal test for me. It’s time for me to mix it up, and this is one way to do that 🙂

Shopping Time

There are many things you need if you want to go diy on the hCG diet. I was a little overwhelmed finding all the materials at first and sorting through what was real and fake. If you just google hCG diet a lot of link to “homeopathic hCG” drops will come up. unfortunately there is a night and day difference between homeopathic hCG and the true Pharmaceutical grade hCG hormone. Homeopathic hCG has been shown to contain scarce amounts of the hCG hormone. It is mostly water, plain and simple. True hCG will turn a pregnancy test positive, homeopathic hCG will not. The only way to get true hCG is with a prescription from your doctor or from an overseas vender.

Once you get your hCG, you will need materials to reconstitute and  inject the hCG with. There are many “kits” out there that contain everything you need (except the hCG), these are a good option if you are only doing a round or two and like anything else they will range in price. I want to do several rounds so I searched for places to buy what I needed at the most cost-effective prices. 

If you want to do the hCG diet you will need the following items. hCG, Alcohol wipes, Bacteriostatic water, sealed sterile vials, mixing syringes and needles, and finally Insulin syringes to give yourself the injections with.

Alcohol wipes are very important to keep everything sterile. You can buy them at almost any pharmacy and they shouldn’t cost very much. I bought 200 of them for $3.00.

When you get your hCG it will come in a powder form in which you will have to re-concentrate with Bacteriostatic water. This was by far the hardest product for me to find and I bought it at https://www.bodyinfluence.com/ it was $4.95 a bottle plus $5.95 shipping but if you bought two bottles you got a third free and shipping was the same price.

Once you reconstitue your hCG you will need to put it into a sealed sterile vials. I bought 10ml clear ones for $1.50 a peice plus shipping at www.gpzservices.com 

To draw the Bac. water and put it into the vial you will need a mixing syringe and needle. Really any syringe and needle will do, but normally the syringe is between 3-10 CC and the needles are about 1.5″. I bought 3 CC Syringe with 1.5″ needles. I found 25 of them for $5.50 plus shipping at www.gpzservices.com

Finally you needle Insulin syringes to inject your hCG with if you are doing subQ injections. These range from 5/8″ of an inch to 1/2″ inch, and .5CC to 1CC. I bought 1CC syringes with 1/2″ needle. The cheapest ones I found were at http://bpmedicalsupplies.net where they were 100 for $11.99 plus $11.00 shipping. I bought 200 of them so it was cheaper getting them from here vs. gpzservices.com, but if you needed 100 or less it would be cheaper buying them from there.

I also recomment a four legged friend. Shots are no fun, and you really just can’t beat having a furbaby’s love to make you feel better. I have a havanese and her name is Yves, but any one will do 🙂

I haven’t receive the hCG yet, but I bought it from http://www.pharmacyescrow.com/s47218-s-HCG-PREGNYL.aspx. From the research I did this seems to be the most reliable place to buy hCG from. I bought 5 vials of 5,000 IU hucog. This was to most expensive and with shipping it was 184.96. This will give me enough for 125 days @ 200 IUs a day though, obviously the less vials you get the price drops dramatically. Total I spend $265.39, upfront this is quite a bit, but per day it’s cheaper than most  “homeopathic” drops, cheaper than purchasing kits, and a heck of a lot cheaper than diet clinics.

hCG Say What??

Human Chorionic Gonadotropin or better know as hCG is a hormone produced in pregnant women. It’s the hormone that turns pregnancy tests positive. In the 1950s Dr. Albert Simeons discovered that if you injected the hormone it helps in the treatment of obesity. The Simeons’ Protocol is better known as the hCG diet. His book “Pounds and Inches” is basically the bible of the hCG protocol.

Normally if you restricted your body to only 500 calories a day you would probably lose weight, but you body would go into starvation mode, and your metabolism would shut down. It does this because your body doesn’t want to lose weight, it wants to stay at the weight that you are. hCG works by triggering the brain to release this extra fat that it would normally hold onto in a low calorie situation. It does this to nourish the fetus in the event that the women is not getting enough calories.  It’s basically a backup plan to support the fetus.

It should be know that the FDA did not approve hCG for weight loss, this is mostly do to a double cross blind 1976 study that found no noticeable difference in the amount of weight people loss on hCG vs. people not on hCG on a 500 calorie diet.  I don’t believe the study followed protocol exactly also I don’t believe that it took into account the hunger levels of the people. I would have to double check. Regardless, many doctors will prescribe hCG for the use of weight loss.

Girl Scout Cookie Debacle

So without thinking in a matter of a minute I ordered 5 boxes of Girl Scout cookies today. FIVE BOXES. Do I need five boxes of caramel delights (why they call them deLIGHTS I will never know) umm hell no I don’t.  I don’t need five boxes of anything let alone cookies. Do I feel bad? To be honest no I don’t, but I am surprised.

 

I never really thought I had that much of an eating problem even though I weigh 260 pounds. Yes that’s right I didn’t think I had a problem. I sure do eat a little more then I should at times, but I wouldn’t say that I eat much more then the average person. Then it hit me how many cookies I ordered.  I didn’t even  realize I had ordered cookies, yet alone the amount, until hours later though when I was doing diet research. Here I am planning this intense diet, and what do I do….I order cookies?!? Go ahead and laugh at the irony. This is a learning experience for me. I need to change the way I think, obviously I’m not there yet. It’s not like I was starving or even the least bit hungry when I ordered the cookies, it’s just how I would normally follow the statue quo for me. I was literally thinking, “Oh yum, I love caramel delights, I’m going to get a couple boxes. Then I thought how this will be the only time ALL year that I will be able to get Girl Scout cookies, I NEED to order more.”

 

What I need to do is first and foremost be more aware in the food choices I’m making. I have to think about food differently, just because it’s there and I like it doesn’t mean it’s good for me. Instead of looking at food like food, I need to start looking at it like other areas of my life. Do I like to sleep in every morning? That would be a resounding aww hell yes, but I don’t. Why? It’s obvious to me, I would miss classes. When I miss classes there are consequences. I miss homework, deadlines, information, etc. It all adds up, the more I miss the worse the consequences. To me this is apparent and concrete, I can see ahead of what would happen.  If I can anticipate and think ahead for other areas of my life, I can sure do it for food. I honestly just haven’t thought about it until this evening. Sure, I knew some food was “bad” for me, but just because it was “bad” didn’t hold weight. I don’t see food the same way as I do other areas of my life and that’s the problem. I just see if it’s good I’m going to eat it NOW. I don’t think ahead about what that donut will do me, I just think I want it, I’ll have it, it’s not like I’m eating 6 donuts, it’s just one. I justify food. I didn’t think about how this candy bar and that fried food would affect my weight next week.

 

Typing this out I know it sounds silly, but my brain was just so focused on the now with food, that I didn’t think ahead at all. This is something that needs to change in my forever thinking. This change can’t stop when I stop my “diet”, this is for the long haul. Will I beat myself up if I indulge in food, no I won’t. I would be crazy if I did that. Having something every once in awhile won’t hurt overall. Missing class once or twice doesn’t hurt, it’s when it happens the majority of time that it matters. I will start looking at food not in the here and now, but in the future. How is what I’m putting in my body going to affect me a day, week, month, year later? As morbid as it sounds, there are no fat old people. For me it’s simple I love life too much to miss out on any of it just because I want something to eat, and right now that something to eat is winning.

 

With the cookie debacle, I also realized that I look at food as if it’s something that I might not have enough of tomorrow so I better stock up today. This goes well beyond my need to stock up on cookies. An example of this would be sushi. Sushi rolls are my favorite food, I love them, I crave them, but I don’t eat them that often. They are kind of expensive, many people I know don’t like them, and the sushi place that I like is a 30 min drive away. This all leads to me thinking when I do eat them I better fill up because I won’t have them in awhile. So I eat until I’m beyond full because it’s just sooo good. It’s way beyond filling up, it really is overeating. This is completely stupid, it’s not like me being stuffed on sushi is going to change me wanting sushi tomorrow. It’s only going to make me overstuffed now, and continue to add on the unhealthy weight in the future. This extends a little bit to most foods that I like. I found myself thinking that way with pizza yesterday. I was pretty much full after the first 2 slices, but I went back for another, all be it tiny, piece. Why? Because I justified it to myself, this is yummy and it might be gone tomorrow, I might not be able to have it for awhile. I realize that food doesn’t work that way. I’m well aware of that, but I need to change my internal subconscious way thinking about food. I’ve used it as a stupid excuse to eat more for far to long and it stops today.

 

Needles…Gulp.

I just got my 1.5 inch mixing needles and syringes today. All I can say is WOW thank God I got the tiny insulin ones for injections.  I don’t think I can do intramuscular injections I would psych myself out lol.

The original hCG diet suggests using intramuscular injections for the hCG. After a lot of research I felt that it was just as effective to use subQ (sucutaneous) injections. All this needle talk got me thinking, really what doesn’t get me thinking, if I don’t be careful I might be forced to give myself insulin injections if I’m not careful. My blood sugar levels are fine now, and I don’t have a family history of diabetes. You never know what the future holds though and that’s why I’m changing things now.