So without thinking in a matter of a minute I ordered 5 boxes of Girl Scout cookies today. FIVE BOXES. Do I need five boxes of caramel delights (why they call them deLIGHTS I will never know) umm hell no I don’t. I don’t need five boxes of anything let alone cookies. Do I feel bad? To be honest no I don’t, but I am surprised.
I never really thought I had that much of an eating problem even though I weigh 260 pounds. Yes that’s right I didn’t think I had a problem. I sure do eat a little more then I should at times, but I wouldn’t say that I eat much more then the average person. Then it hit me how many cookies I ordered. I didn’t even realize I had ordered cookies, yet alone the amount, until hours later though when I was doing diet research. Here I am planning this intense diet, and what do I do….I order cookies?!? Go ahead and laugh at the irony. This is a learning experience for me. I need to change the way I think, obviously I’m not there yet. It’s not like I was starving or even the least bit hungry when I ordered the cookies, it’s just how I would normally follow the statue quo for me. I was literally thinking, “Oh yum, I love caramel delights, I’m going to get a couple boxes. Then I thought how this will be the only time ALL year that I will be able to get Girl Scout cookies, I NEED to order more.”
What I need to do is first and foremost be more aware in the food choices I’m making. I have to think about food differently, just because it’s there and I like it doesn’t mean it’s good for me. Instead of looking at food like food, I need to start looking at it like other areas of my life. Do I like to sleep in every morning? That would be a resounding aww hell yes, but I don’t. Why? It’s obvious to me, I would miss classes. When I miss classes there are consequences. I miss homework, deadlines, information, etc. It all adds up, the more I miss the worse the consequences. To me this is apparent and concrete, I can see ahead of what would happen. If I can anticipate and think ahead for other areas of my life, I can sure do it for food. I honestly just haven’t thought about it until this evening. Sure, I knew some food was “bad” for me, but just because it was “bad” didn’t hold weight. I don’t see food the same way as I do other areas of my life and that’s the problem. I just see if it’s good I’m going to eat it NOW. I don’t think ahead about what that donut will do me, I just think I want it, I’ll have it, it’s not like I’m eating 6 donuts, it’s just one. I justify food. I didn’t think about how this candy bar and that fried food would affect my weight next week.
Typing this out I know it sounds silly, but my brain was just so focused on the now with food, that I didn’t think ahead at all. This is something that needs to change in my forever thinking. This change can’t stop when I stop my “diet”, this is for the long haul. Will I beat myself up if I indulge in food, no I won’t. I would be crazy if I did that. Having something every once in awhile won’t hurt overall. Missing class once or twice doesn’t hurt, it’s when it happens the majority of time that it matters. I will start looking at food not in the here and now, but in the future. How is what I’m putting in my body going to affect me a day, week, month, year later? As morbid as it sounds, there are no fat old people. For me it’s simple I love life too much to miss out on any of it just because I want something to eat, and right now that something to eat is winning.
With the cookie debacle, I also realized that I look at food as if it’s something that I might not have enough of tomorrow so I better stock up today. This goes well beyond my need to stock up on cookies. An example of this would be sushi. Sushi rolls are my favorite food, I love them, I crave them, but I don’t eat them that often. They are kind of expensive, many people I know don’t like them, and the sushi place that I like is a 30 min drive away. This all leads to me thinking when I do eat them I better fill up because I won’t have them in awhile. So I eat until I’m beyond full because it’s just sooo good. It’s way beyond filling up, it really is overeating. This is completely stupid, it’s not like me being stuffed on sushi is going to change me wanting sushi tomorrow. It’s only going to make me overstuffed now, and continue to add on the unhealthy weight in the future. This extends a little bit to most foods that I like. I found myself thinking that way with pizza yesterday. I was pretty much full after the first 2 slices, but I went back for another, all be it tiny, piece. Why? Because I justified it to myself, this is yummy and it might be gone tomorrow, I might not be able to have it for awhile. I realize that food doesn’t work that way. I’m well aware of that, but I need to change my internal subconscious way thinking about food. I’ve used it as a stupid excuse to eat more for far to long and it stops today.
mycrazydiet 